02:12 am - chili this spicy can only be made when love is absent. i'm going to the kevin kline awards on monday. it's the st. louis regional theatre award show. there will probably be a red carpet, and it's kind of a big deal because metamorphoses is nominated for six awards, including best ensemble cast. i have two dresses but can't make up my mind. please leave me a comment with your opinions? thank you.
04:57 pm - my gay boyfriend. jp's in london this semester and i miss him so much it makes me vomit. this is the second conversation we've had since he's been gone.
[PEOPLE] best friend(s): jp. lost any friends: ali kind of disappeared. i don't talk much with my friends who graduated, but i wouldn't say i lost them.
[PLACES] went out of the country: never. moved: to a new dorm. new school: no, i still go to wesleyan. how many times on an airplane: none this year.
[YOU] have you changed: i realized a lot of things this year about acting and theatre and what i want to do with my life. i also came to the conclusion that i don't really like boys a lot. new look: i got my hair cut really short in february and i like it. most depressed time this year: february.
[LOVE] did you fall in love? no. did you get heartbroken: no. who was your summer love: i don't want to talk about it.
[SEASONS] favorite Season: fall. least favorite season: summer. it was too hot. good birthday: i turned 21. it was amazing. i don't remember much.
[FINAL QUESTIONS] snuck out: only to smoke or something. kept your resolution: i don't make them. got arrested: not this year. LOL LOL LOL. drank alcohol: duh. kissed a boy: yes. got dumped: kind of. we were never really together to begin with though. lost a family member: no. got bad grades: grades for spring 2006 were amazing. fall 2006 grades were average. kept a secret: yes. told a secret: yes. done something you totally regret: i mean, i learn from all my mistakes. but probably.
In 2006 I...
[ ] broke a promise [ ] made a new best friend [ ] fallen in love [ ] fallen out of love [x] lied [x] went behind your parents back [ ] cried over a broken heart [x] disappointed someone close [x] hid a secret [x] pretended to be happy [ ] kissed in the rain [ ] slept under the stars [ ] kept your new years resolution [ ] forgot your new years resolution [x] met someone who changed my life [ ] met one of your idols [x] changed your outlook on life [x] sat home all day doing nothing [x] pretended to be ill [ ] left the country [ ] almost died [ ] given up something important to you [ ] broke something expensive [x] learned something new about yourself [ ] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it [x] made a change in your life [x] found out who your true friends were [x] met great people [x] snuck out of a house [x] stayed up til sunrise [ ] pigged out over the summer [x] met someone from myspace in person [x] cried over the silliest thing [x] partied more than 5 times [ ] was never home on weekends [ ] got into a car accident [ ] found a person I never thought I'd become real good friends with [x] had friends who were drifting away from me [ ] had someone close to me die [x] had a high cell phone bill [ ] wasted most of my money on food [ ] had a fist fight [ ] went to the beach [ ] saw a celebrity [x] gotten sick [ ] liked more than 5 people at the same time [x] had a wasted night [x] became closer to a lot of people Current Location:room Current Mood: cold Current Music: dreamgirls
01:19 am - best friends. notanaddict4205: ~~**DeFy GrAvItY!**~~ i got poped: YeSsSsSsSsSsSs i got poped: it's so hard to type like that notanaddict4205: ~~**ImAgInE iF yOu HaD tO tYpE lIkE tHiS aLl ThE tImE!!**~~ i got poped: EW notanaddict4205:~~**NiGgErZ!**~~ i got poped: AFLGEWOPJWETFGOJRRGS i got poped: LIKSDGLNNSDFKLFDGKNKDFANFGDJKBRGFDSDLIANFJKLNDSFKLNSDJKLDFAGS notanaddict4205: fags notanaddict4205: is the last thing in that sporadic letter entry notanaddict4205: how appropriate i got poped: omg i didn't even mean for that to happen i got poped: IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE notanaddict4205: ~~**PuErTo RiCaNz NeEd BaThS!!**~~ notanaddict4205: okay i gotta get up early to go to the mansion notanaddict4205: life is tough notanaddict4205: i'm gonna go chill in bedddddddd notanaddict4205: masturbating notanaddict4205: while crying notanaddict4205: and chugging a beer Current Location:room Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: gay pimpin' with jonny mcgovern
02:25 am - the dove difference is our weightless moisture. i got poped: http://www.care-bears.com i got poped: i took the quiz. i got poped: i'm funshine bear i got poped: i like to make fun of people i got poped: and laugh and have fun at other's expenses i got poped: which is pretty accurate, i think. notanaddict4205: HAHA notanaddict4205: did you notice "america cares bear"? i got poped: yes AND i already bought if for you. i got poped: so don't worry. notanaddict4205: i can only hope for such perfection in a lover. notanaddict4205: haha, i'm grumpy bear. i got poped: GRUMPY BEAR AND FUNSHINE BEAR ARE BEST FRIENDS. i got poped: if you go to their profiles it says so. notanaddict4205: I KNOW.
leadsalad22: do you know who owns deadwood, north dakota? i got poped: walmart? leadsalad22: worse. leadsalad22: kevin costner. Current Location:dorm Current Mood: tired Current Music: chin up chin up
12:27 am - penne rigate. first day of classes. i had directing, with the new professor, sven. he's from germany, and he says things like "shucks." some idiot sophomore called someone a nazi during class and it was the most uncomfortable thing i have ever experienced.
i said goodbye to marti today. she's going to england for the semester.
i like my roommate, even though she's a walking asian stereotype. good at math and music, has a fake louis vuitton purse.
i'm cast as phil's girl in bobrauschenbergamerica. which means i only have about eight lines. the show opens in less than a month. i get to make a human martini.
i have an 8am class tomorrow. goodnight. Current Location:dorm Current Mood: busy Current Music: the colbert report
11:42 pm - here's to the girls on the go. "what you respond to in any work of art is the artist's struggle against his or her limitations." -kurt vonnegut
i'm packing.
i just want to go. right now. get to bloomington and settle in and be there and be unhappy and get it over with. as soon as i'm used to one place, i have to pack up and leave and go somewhere else. i don't have a home. bloomington isn't my home, but i've outgrown st. louis. i'm ready to be done with illinois wesleyan. i want to be done and have a piece of paper that says bfa and start having a real life.
the best thing about this summer was "metamorphoses." working with a legitimate theatre company, putting on a show with substance, being challenged by a character. it made me feel like an adult. like a real actor. and it gave me an excuse to get out of the house. it made me grow tremendously as an artist. i almost feel embarrassed for the actor i was a year ago. i cringe when i think about how superficial everything was, and how much i cared what others thought. now i have to go back to bloomington and do shit again. maybe if i'm cast well, this year will go fast.
my goal for the schoolyear is to not get caught up in the competition. not to forget why i love acting. i need something to challenge me. something to make me say, that's why i'm spending $32,000 a year on this education. so i'm going to become a really proficient shakespearean actor this year. or at least, this is my hope.
i don't cry anymore. i'm just apatheic. most things are not worth my tears. Current Location:bedroom Current Mood: go. Current Music: isis- bob dylan
02:24 am - dogberry. "well, i'm drunk. and you probably have a big penis in your mouth. loveyabye." -cy watson
tonight i went out with khnemu. it was nice but there was no chemistry. he didn't even pay for my dinner. we saw "much ado about nothing" at st. louis shakespeare, and i thought it was pretty terrible. the girl who played hero was absolutely horrendous and had a lisp. the guy who played benedick was a gay jerry seinfeld. the only person i really liked was conrad. he had about seven lines and looked completely bored with everything that was going on around him onstage. which is probably why i liked him. because he was honest. i didn't believe that anyone on that stage actually loved each other. not even by the end.
but i'm a pretty tough critic when it comes to shakespeare. this is how i feel about shakespeare: actors don't know how to act it, directors don't know how to direct it, and audiences don't know how to watch it. shakespeare has become obsolete in our society. and it's not because he wrote about things that weren't timeless or beautiful; it's because modern americans are morons who don't know or appreciate their history, english, or theatre.
thankyouandgoodnight. Current Location:bedroom Current Mood: content Current Music: frankie
04:44 pm - bloomington, we hardly knew ye. i got poped: so how was bloomington? did she miss us? akfhekjb: we got to bloomies akfhekjb: she was weeping as we crossed the city limits akfhekjb: her prodigal sons akfhekjb: and of course, akfhekjb: got that ugly feeling in my stomach. akfhekjb: the same feeling i get every time. Current Location:bedroom Current Mood: tired Current Music: the rolling stones
08:52 pm - spent my whole life in a trash can. "'you raved and bitched when you came home about the stupidity of audiences. the goddamn "unskilled laughter" coming from the fifth row. and that's right, that's right– god knows it's depressing. i'm not saying it isn't. but that's none of your business, really. that's none of your business, franny. an artist's only concern is to shoot for some kind of perfection, and on his own terms, not anyone else's.'" -j.d. salinger, franny and zooey
"if you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. i'm not kidding. the arts are not a way to make a living. they are a very human way of making life more bearable. practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. sing in the shower. dance to the radio. tell stories. write a poem to your friend, even a lousy poem. do it as well as you possibly can. you will get an enormous reward. you will have created something." -kurt vonnegut, a man without a country
i finished my salinger binge and started reading vonnegut's new book, which william gave me. i was never good at following vonnegut, so i might have to read this one twice.
today at the noonday club, i worked the buffet. i have to wear a chef's hat and coat, and i mean, i look pretty cute. i'm thinking about bringing the chef-look back. was it ever in? it will be soon. the head chef gave me his business card and offered me a job in the kitchen for whenever i come back to st. louis. which would be so much better than waitressing there. and some woman who looked like elizabeth dole came up to the buffet to tell me that i was darling. i rode up in the elevator with two lawyers i sat at alandales on monday night. so bizarre. yesterday someone at noonday stole $20 from my wallet. or, at least, there was $20 in my purse before i went to work, but and it was gone when i got home. don't worry though, the paycheck for $19.49 that i got today won't cover it. you win again, noonday club. $20 stolen, $19.49 earned. irony: 1, summers: 0. then william and i had this text conversation: lauren: i'm wearing a chef's hat and coat. kill me. william: sexy. is that all you're wearing? dirt dirt dirt. filth.
i hope vincent gets kicked off "project runway" tonight. no, wait. no, i don't. because he's a mess, and i love that. those fags better stop talking trash about laura because she is a fierce tranny who wears riding jodhpurs on a regular basis and will not hesitate to eat them and spit them out. maybe alison will win tonight.
i want jodhpurs. Current Location:living room Current Mood: calm Current Music: project runway
"i have a dog named louis vuitton and a dog named versace." -dani
"we should go to the clubs! like, all the hostesses, oh my god, it would be so much fun. all the hostesses should go dancing." -dani
"i was giving a tour of webster groves high school, and i realized that like, if you have a class like, room-number 372, that's on the third floor. and if you like, have a class in room 219, that's on the second floor. and like, if you have a class like 132, that's on the first floor." -grace
dani: i loved she's the man. oh my god, it was so good. and the guy, oh my god, he was so hot. and his name, oh my god, i loved his name. duke orsino. isn't that hot? lauren: well, you know it's based on a shakespeare play, right? dani: what? lauren: she's the man is a modernization of twelfth night. by william shakespeare? dani: oh. lauren: there's a character in twelfth night who is the duke of orsino. dani: oh.
these girls have been promoted to co-head hostesses and now make more money than i do. i need a cigarette. Current Location:living room Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: the daily show
12:53 am - i do think nick lachey has a big, thick cock. hi dolls! jp and i are lounging in our fabulously expensive hotel room in the wyndham chicago. lollapalooza is disgustingly hot and crowded. which makes me cranky.
so far we've seen: -lady sovereign -the go! team -iron & wine -wolfmother -the flaming lips -the dresden dolls (sort of) -death cab for cutie (sort of) -gnarles barkley (sort of)
and tomorrow we get too see andrew bird and fall in love.
i'm watching a documentary on heroin and it is FASCINATING.
"i just don't like walking on michigan avenue because there are so many hobos asking for money, and i just want to throw my drink on them." "oops, my cock's out!" "good googilymoogily, that thang is juicy." "i just don't feel like giving money to anyone who doesn't have a full set of teeth." "well, uh, the normal classes." "i'm having such a wonderful tiiiimmme!" "hey, what's going on?" "don't mess with the fucking 23rd chromosome."
the top of my head is sooooo sunburned. jp just took a picture of his flaccid penis with my camera and said, "he's so funny when he's asleep." more later!! Current Location:wyndham chicago Current Mood: cold Current Music: heroin!
01:44 am - be strong, gail. sometimes i realize that my life isn't really that dramatic. it only seems that way because i'm just so bored.
i keep reading salinger because it makes me feel better. like something better is waiting for me, as long as i continue to learn and work.
"do you like wax?" sybil asked. "do i like what?" asked the young man. "wax." "very much. don't you?" sybil nodded. "do you like olives?" she asked. "olives- yes. olives and wax. i never go anyplace without 'em." Current Location:bedroom Current Mood: thirsty Current Music: gay pimpin' with jonny mcgovern
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